Goals

• Continue where we left off in part I
• Set goals for the remaining categories: Experiences + Fun, Partner + Love, Friends, Family, and Finances

Introduction

Last time I said I wanted you to fail your new year’s resolutions, remember? Quite a petty thing to say, not knowing the context.

But then again, failing requires you to actually give your goals a shot, instead of pretending you’ve never even heard of them as soon as February comes around. We’ve all had those years.

Why do we follow through on some of our goals, while others fall by the wayside? Motivation and willpower usually come to mind. Just be fucking motivated, right? Well, it depends.

Say you’ve set yourself the goal to make X amount of money by the end of next year (all of the SMART goal aficionados out there probably just peed their pants in sheer excitement).

Scenario A: All of your peers make more money than you, so you feel insignificant next to them. You noticed your special someone is still a little disappointed because you couldn’t afford to join their recent trip to an exclusive wellness resort over the weekend. Money (or rather the lack thereof) is causing you pain, and you want that to stop.

Scenario B: Making money is a skill, a skill you want to perfect. It’s kind of a challenge, and you’re excited about it. There’s a lot you want to learn, and a bunch of fancy ways to spend that money you’d like to try.

I’d give scenario A a 20% success rate. It’s your typical extrinsically motivated “away from” goal, where you want to get away from something because the outside world is causing you to feel bad about it.

Scenario B on the other hand should be around 80%. It’s intrinsically motivated, and striving to get toward some desired state.

When coming up with your own new year’s resolution, try to focus on what’s intrinsically motivated. Don’t give a shit about what others want you to be and do. And frame them in a way that gets you excited to improve, rather than correcting something you feel like is “wrong” about you.

Don’t look at setting new year's resolutions like making up for not being “perfect”. Adopt the mindset of a kid in a candy store. New year's resolutions aren’t meant to be a punishment that you have to force yourself into. You don’t have to do them, you get to do them.

The framework I use when setting new year's resolutions is super simple. I’ve been inspired by lot’s of personal development gurus out there, but cut out all the crap and fluff I don’t care about, and what I was left with was this process:

For the major categories in your life, ask yourself where you want to be one year from now, and what you need to start/stop/continue doing to get there.

That’s it. The hard thing is sticking with it and putting in the work. We’ll talk about ways to make this easier in the upcoming weeks. Remember: you’re a kid in a candy store, free to choose whatever you desire. We can think about how you’re going to pay for it in a couple of weeks.

Below, you can find the first 4 categories to go through, as well as some personal examples of goals and actions I tried over the years. Take some time, go through these questions, and start to create the blueprint for another amazing year!

Experiences + Fun

Imagine you’re looking back and 2022 was filled with awesome experiences and fun. Describe what this means to you.

What do you need to start doing to make these experiences a reality?

What do you need to stop doing to make these experiences a reality?

What do you need to keep doing to make these experiences a reality?

Some examples:

• If you want to experience something new and fun, organizing events might be a good place to start. For instance, set the goal of planning something interesting at least once a month. While planning isn’t fun, the fun might never happen if you don’t put in some work beforehand.
• Seek new communities. Look for meetups in your area, clubs, and options to volunteer. If you surround yourself with like-minded people, fun experiences are bound to happen.
• Make room for hobbies and slack time. Being booked 100% 24/7 is a sure-fire way to slowly remove any “unnecessary” recreational activities from your life. Spontaneous fun happens when you give yourself some room to breathe.
• Take time off, go on vacation. If you feel trapped with all that work, routines, and obligations, there might only be one option left: Leave it all behind for a while and book that vacation you’ve been dreaming of.

Partner + Love

How do you want your love life and relationship(s) to look like a year from now?

If in a relationship:

What do you need to start doing to get the dynamic with your partner to this level?

What do you need to stop doing to get the dynamic with your partner to this level?

What do you need to keep doing to get the dynamic with your partner to this level?

If single:

What do you need to start doing to attract someone like this and invite them into your life?

What do you need to stop doing to attract someone like this and invite them into your life?

What do you need to keep doing to attract someone like this and invite them into your life?

Some examples:

• Learn about relationships. Yes, love is actually just another skill. It might not sound romantic, but the best gift you can get your significant other is a partner skilled in the intricate art of love. Search for “Mark Manson relationship guide”, it’s a good place to start.
• Focus on quality time, ban phones. Try this: no phones allowed when you’re spending time (quality time, not getting things done next to each other) with your partner. And on top of that: the bedroom is a phone-free zone. If you’re not enjoying each other's brain (with a deep conversation), body (hopefully no need for examples here), or sleeping, you’re doing it wrong.
• Build something together. A good relationship consists of two individuals, each with their own personality, hobbies, and aspirations. If these two individuals vibe enough to want to build something together (a hobby, shared lifestyle, family, business, ...) it tends to bring them to the next level.
• Put yourself first. Few things are less attractive and more draining than spending time with someone that always puts their own needs last. It might sound nice in theory, but if you don’t look after yourself, you’ll end up beaten down and resentful. It’s when you’re fully charged and happy with your own life that you radiate the kind of energy your partner needs.
• Learn to spread love unconditionally. Be loving for the heck of it, not because you’re expecting some reward in return. How do you get there? Be self-sufficient and well-rounded. Ideally, you’re spreading love because you simply have too much to keep it to yourself.

Friends

Imagine your friendships are as thriving and fulfilling as you’ve always dreamed of. Describe what this means to you.

What do you need to start doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to stop doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to keep doing to make this a reality?

Some examples:

• Don't lose track of your friends. With work, family, hobbies, and hopefully some sleep every now and then it’s easy to lose touch with some of your closest friends. It might be time to face the truth: You need to set some good old-fashioned reminders to reach out to your friends. When things are getting stressful (which is when you’d need your friends the most) this makes a big difference.
• Organize events. The ones you actually enjoy. Don’t wait for your friends to invite you to that chill camping trip or the non-stop party festival with all of your favorite bands. Be that friend yourself!
• Get rid of energy vampires. Less is more when it comes to draining friends. So-called energy vampires have the uncanny ability to make you forget how fucking amazing this world is simply by talking to them. Spend less time with them, avoid them completely if possible. Life is too short to have them ruin it, even if they don’t do it on purpose.
• Support them unconditionally. Be loving for the heck of it, not because you’re expecting some reward in return. How do you get there? Be self-sufficient and well-rounded. Ideally, you’re spreading love because you simply have too much to keep it to yourself.

Family

Which people in your life do you consider to be your family? How would you want the next year with them to be like? Describe it in vivid detail.

What do you need to start doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to stop doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to keep doing to make this a reality?

Some examples:

• Be a role model. You are the average of your closest friends. This includes family. So if you can raise the bar, do it. Not just for yourself, but for everyone around you.
• Be the brother, sister, mother, father, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, person you would have wanted. Whether that means spoiling them with gifts, showering them with positive energy and appreciation, or introducing them to cool new hobbies. You will leave a mark on them, make sure it’s a good one.
• Support them unconditionally. Be loving for the heck of it, not because you’re expecting some reward in return. How do you get there? Be self-sufficient and well-rounded. Ideally, you’re spreading love because you simply have too much to keep it to yourself.

Finances

Imagine you’re financial situation is as good as you want/need it to be one year from now. How much would you need to make, put to the side, invest, etc.? In which ways will this influence the other areas of your life?

What do you need to start doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to stop doing to make this a reality?

What do you need to keep doing to make this a reality?

Some examples:

• Always know how you’re doing financially. As simple as checking your balance every now and then, and keeping an eye on assets and liabilities. I do that in a trusty old spreadsheet, which is updated at least weekly. Of course, I could automate it, but the whole point is for me to pay attention.
• Invest. We live in a capitalistic society, so you might as well reap the benefits by letting your money do the work (as soon as you have some disposable income). Invest in stocks, real estate, gold, bitcoin, etc. Do your own research and start small to get some experience.
• Become better at your job. How do you get disposable income? For instance by increasing the value of your work. And how can you do that? Identify the key skills, cut pointless fluff, and optimize the crap out of it.
• Reduce costs. While increasing your income has a much higher potential due to scaling, you shouldn’t forget to keep your costs in check. Cut unnecessary spending. Don’t overdo it though, money is supposed to serve you so:
• Spend it on what matters most. Frugality might save you from not being able to put food on the table, but when it comes to getting the most out of that hard-earned cash, you have to spend it. Ideally in alignment with your core values.

Enjoy the rest of the holidays, get some rest, and tune back in once you’ve picked your goals for 2022. We’ll work on the next steps together, see you soon!

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