Goals

• Identifying your beliefs
• Picking the main limiting and empowering beliefs
• Find ways to replace the limiting beliefs, as well as strengthening the empowering ones, leading to lasting and impactful positive change!

Introduction

You can be whatever you want, as long as you believe in yourself!

- pretty much every motivational speaker

I have a problem with generalized statements like that. They are appealing. We want them to be true, we want to be positive people, and so we like them, put them on top of impressive landscape photography, and share them with the world. But let's be real: You can't be whatever you want. Just observe the people around you and be honest: Do you think that if they had the option to be whatever they want by just believing in it, they would have chosen to be... that? Let's replace the misanthropy with some good old self-hatred: Look in the mirror and ask yourself the same question. We need to face the cold hard truth: Either we are doing the whole "just believe in yourself" stuff wrong, or it can't fix everything, especially not the mess that is staring back at us.

We're not doomed yet though, so rejoice, there's a light at the end of the tunnel! Not when it comes to me writing some wholesome and uplifting intros anytime soon, but there is still hope for the power of beliefs!

If we go about this like grown-ups, keeping the limitations of beliefs in mind, and most importantly accepting that "just believing in ourselves" won't do the trick, then we can achieve some impactful change by working on our belief systems. Are you hyped yet? Cause I'm not.

Psych! Of course I am! Don't believe everything you read on a blog, duh...

Step 1: Identifying your beliefs

You don't happen to be remarkably reflected and able to write down all of your beliefs from the top of your head, are you? No? Damn, then we got some work ahead of us. I'll send you the invoice tomorrow.

A simple, effective method I found is starting at yourself and working your way out.

Please enter your information:

Name:

Age:

Location:

Gender:

Sexual orientation:

Relationship status:

Children:

Formal education:

Employment status:

Career path:

Financial situation:

Physical health:

Mental health:

Skills:

Hobbies:

Pick 5-10 adjectives that describe your personality:

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Thanks, I promise I won't sell your data. I'll just use it to create targeted ads. Did I say ads? I meant helpful, personalized articles. Win-win! Don't sue me...

Next, go through your answers and start asking why, and how you feel about it repeatedly, until we're either annoyed or drift of into philosophical discussions about the nature of existence.

So you're queer? How do you feel about it? Good, that's nice to hear. Why is that so? Ah, because queer people rock, I like that. Why? Because they're not afraid to be authentic. So you're probably authentic as well? That might be one of your core beliefs then, quick, write it down!

You're 36 years old. How do you feel about that? Not sure, why? Because you don't feel accomplished enough for that age, like you're not where you should be. Why is that so? What kept you from achieving what you would have expected yourself to have achieved by now? Ah, you realized quite late that your first job just wasn't the right thing, and started from scratch. So some of your beliefs might be that you won't catch up to your peers, are not sure about your calling, but are also not afraid of change.

You're single? Why? Because you haven't found the right one yet, why is that? Because few people get you, aha. Why? Oh, so you think that if you opened up completely, you'd scare them away. Interesting, let's think about which beliefs this is based on...

I think you get the process by now.

Step 2: Picking your main limiting and empowering beliefs

Now you should have a freaking long and chaotic list of beliefs, and belief-adjacent notes. Let's sift through that, highlighting stuff that:

• you agree with on an instinctual level. Don't overthink it. Anything where your gut reaction is "yep, that's just how I am" or "that's the way it is". Of course, your rational mind is capable of finding counterarguments, but one thing at a time, let's not skip some crucial steps.
• is currently impacting your life. For instance, you're struggling financially, and you have identified some beliefs around money. Those are definitely worth investigating.

Hooray, instead of a chaotic list, you have a chaotic list with a highlighter all over it now. Progress? Progress!

Summarize, split and rephrase, until you end up with a list of your top 10 to 15 beliefs. Both limiting (they'll probably be the majority) as well as empowering ones. Here are a few examples:

Limiting beliefs:

• Love doesn't last
• Rich people are selfish
• When I'm nervous, I mess up
• I don't live up to my parent's expectations
• I don't try hard enough
• Too much responsibility makes me nervous
• I get distracted easily
• I don't have enough money to enjoy life
• I'm not attractive enough to get laid
• If things seem too good to be true, they usually are

Empowering beliefs:

• If I need to, I will find a solution
• I'm likable
• I would do everything for my family
• People trust me, and easily open up to me about their problems

Take your time to collect and reflect on those beliefs. Next week we'll get into the nitty-gritty of how to dismantle your limiting beliefs, construct alternatives, get your brain to accept them as fact, and consequently enjoy the resulting change.

Let's end with a short personal anecdote on the negative effects of limiting beliefs. We're going to get real meta btw. So remember what I said in the intro? That basically all motivational speakers are full of shit? You are currently reading the result of me challenging that limiting belief, and building confidence in an alternative belief I want to replace it with: Well-intentioned motivational speakers can positively impact other people's lives. If I never reflected on that belief, and consequently found it's keeping me from trying things I might enjoy, this blog would not exist. Or maybe it would just be about actual recipes. As if the world needed more of those kinds of blogs... Damn, another limiting belief!

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