Goals

• Get all these nagging fears out of your head
• Think about worst-case scenarios
• Disarm your fears by coming up with ways to prevent and react to them
• Boost your willingness to action by imagining a future in which you are paralyzed by fear

Introduction

Let's be real. Positivity can be toxic. Constantly talking about our ambitious goals and how you can achieve anything as long as you try hard enough is not only one-dimensional, it makes you want to punch all of those life coaches and motivational speakers so hard, not even they could talk themselves into believing they'll make a full recovery. And no, I don't have anger management issues, you do, shut up!!

The human mind is capable of many marvelous feats. One of them is the ability to lie to ourselves. To look away, refuse to face the truth, and not even feel conflicted about it. I'm not saying this tendency is always a bad thing. Remove it, and you end up with a brain that no longer can patch together a believable version of an identity of itself. To function in a world that's as complex as real life, with a simple tool like our brain, we have to use abstraction and reduction to make sense of it all. This of course also applies to our own mental model. And at our core, we (hopefully, else you're in deep trouble) think of ourselves as skilled, well-intentioned, and overall good people. So how do we integrate the fact that sometimes, we're lazy, scared, and just irrational? Well, we don't. We blame the circumstances, the people around us, or most commonly we just ignore it. This preserves our simple, and overall positive self-image, which is important! Still, we need to actively face these blind spots to reduce the potential harm this can have long term.

This idea is heavily inspired by Tim Ferris' "Fear Setting" framework (who stole it from someone else, so...). Visualizing the negative, putting it out there, on paper or tangible thoughts, transforms them from a vague, subconscious, and undirected force into something we can work with, something we can put to good use or willingly discard if it serves no purpose.

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.
-Seneca

Fear is inherently fabricated. You can't touch it, you will never actually see it, and fear itself sure can't hurt you. It's the thing that we're afraid of that can. And don't get me wrong, fear is extremely useful! It's an amazing gift, enabling us to sense danger that might otherwise slip through the cracks of our conscious perception. This subconscious nature has one big drawback: Our reactions to many of today's prevalent challenges can be irrational and misguided, given that modern life deviates in many ways from the world these systems have been optimized for. Luckily, we can come up with tools to solve this issue. One of such tools is questions aimed at uncovering unsuitable or extremely overblown reactions to fear-inducing scenarios, as well as coming up with better ways to handle these situations.

Question 1: What are you afraid of? Which fears are keeping you from taking action, fully committing, or making a bold, yet important move?

Many of our fears are vague, hiding deep within us, casting wide and disproportionate shadows. The mere act of identifying them, calling them by name, and externalizing them is oftentimes enough to disarm them or help to guide our problem-solving skills to tackle the real dangers.

Question 2: List the outcomes of these fears as detailed as possible. What is the worst that could happen?

Example: You are offered the opportunity to take over a new responsibility at work. You're hesitant. You can feel some insecurities when it comes to what the others in your department will think about you getting this new position, instead of them. And if you're completely honest, you're not sure if you have what it takes. (This would be the answer to question 1)

These fears are still not concrete enough to have our conscious mind come up with promising solutions to them. So what exactly would happen if you got the new position, and some of your colleagues might question this decision and call it unfair. Is their opinion important to you? Could this jeopardize the friendship you have with some of them? Might this come back to haunt you because you already know you will need their support later on? Same with lacking skills. What would happen if you failed? What's at stake? Could you learn on the job and simply lose some time, or could even a single misstep cause serious repercussions?

Question 3: Is there something you can do to prevent these outcomes, or decrease the likelihood?

This question will kickstart the process of facing our oftentimes paralyzing fears, and breaking them down into solvable problems. You are afraid you will lose your job in the next couple of months, and run out of financial funds real quick? Then figure out what you could do now to decrease the likelihood (both of losing your job, as well as going bankrupt shortly thereafter). Similarly, for the example from the last question, you might acquire as many skills beforehand as possible, and have a real heart-to-heart with some of the colleagues that might not fully understand why you were chosen. Maybe you can even get them to support you?

Question 4: Shit hit, and broke the fan. What's next?

How can you recover if the catastrophe hits? Thanks to question 3, this should remain a hypothetical scenario. Still, taking the time to come up with ways to work with what's left after shit hit and broke the fan is beneficial in two ways:

• You have a plan, should things go wrong
• Because you have a plan, and you know it's not the end of the world, the fear becomes much less overpowering

Question 5: What would happen if you let your fears take over? How would your life look like 1 and 3 years in the future?

I love this question. It brings out my gloomy side. Let's pretend everything sucked, especially you! Imagine you're the worst piece of garbage you've ever seen, with no backbone and no ounce of boldness. Instead of being driven by goals, you are driven by fear. If you're afraid to take action, you won't do it. Whenever possible, you will choose to do what's easiest at that very moment, and most of the time this will be: nothing. Take some time to think about what this inaction will cost you long term. As you will discover, it not only leads to stagnation in your life, it will inadvertently start a downwards trend.

But why you ask? You came here to be motivated, not talk yourself into a depressive episode after all. And motivation is exactly the reason why this last question is pivotal. Questions 1-4 have grounded your fears in reality, and have provided the tools and emergency response plans you need to take on those challenges. All of that made your preferred outcome much more attractive, which is a huge win already. Question 5 takes it a step further, by making the alternative less attractive, and equating giving in to fear with future pain, shame, and an overall decrease in your quality of life.

With this double-team approach, even the most overpowering and paralyzing fears can be taken down. So make me proud, and slay some of those anxiety-inducing monsters!

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